Author Iyanla Vanzant Mourns Death of Youngest Daughter

“Give yourself permission to have the initial shock and horrification of whatever the change is,” she told MSNBC of loss in 2022. “And sometimes you’ll fall over, and sometimes you’ll stumble ahead, and sometimes you can barely get up. It’s one step at a time. That’s the only way you can do it, because you cannot rush through it.”

And in addition to taking things slowly, Iyanla—who is also mom to son Damon—said one of the most helpful things one can do is simply to breathe—and to ask for help. 

“Most of us don’t breathe,” she continued. “We can walk around like that for months, really not breathing, not being present in the body. So, the moment something happens, whatever it is, breathe. Breathing will get you in your body and out of your head.”

And finally, she added, “You’ve got to get into your heart, and then to whomever or whatever, you have to ask for help. We’ve got to ask for help sooner, and I don’t care who you ask it from: divine, internal, grandma, somebody. Ask for help.”