Former president Donald Trump is seemingly still work-shopping his line of attack on presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Kamala Harris and Stephen Colbert is not impressed with the recycled material.
On Thursday’s (July 25) edition of The Late Show, Colbert focused on Trump’s campaign rally speech in Charlotte, North Carolina, on Wednesday night (July 24). In a clip from the speech, Trump labeled the Vice President “Lyin’ Harris,” spelling out, “L, Y, I, N, apostrophe.”
The late-night host mocked this, putting on his Trump voice to say, “K as in Kamala, A as in Amala, M as in Malala, A as in Ah, L as in Lyin’ Kamala — L-Y-I-N-apostrophe — oh God, I’m back at the beginning again.”
Colbert then showed another clip of Trump using his old Apprentice catchphrase, telling Harris, “You’re fired!”
“That’s a 10-year-old reference!” Colbert said. “Stop trying to make fetch happen, Kamala.”
He also focused on Trump’s continued obsession with Hannibal Lecter, including a quote from Wednesday’s rally where the Republican presidential nominee said, “Those are real stories.”
“No, no, those are real movies,” Colbert retorted before doing another impression of Trump believing the Little Mermaid was also a true story.
Colbert then turned his attention to Trump’s running mate, J.D. Vance, and the scandalous rumors that Vance once had sex with a couch. The rumor went viral after a post on X that cited Vance’s memoir, Hillbilly Elegy, as the source of the story.
On Wednesday, the Associated Press fact-checked the story, though it later removed the article. A spokesperson stated that the story “didn’t go through our standard editing process,” but by then, the rumor had already gone viral online.
“The role of journalism right now is so important,” Colbert said. “So I want to salute the Associated Press for their report today: ‘J.D. Vance did not have sex with a couch.’”
He continued, “The sofa-stooping allegations get disturbingly specific. See, according to one tweet, in his book, J.D. Vance described having sex with a rubber glove secured between cushions on his couch. Where does someone even get an idea like that? I blame those filthy IKEA instructions.”
“Of course not. J.D. Vance is a very religious conservative. He knows it’s Adam and Eve, not Raymour and Flanigan,” Colbert quipped before adding, “This just shows how big a problem misinformation can be. Even a well-meaning fact check can wind up amplifying a false story. So all of us, all of us, please, we have a responsibility to stop the spread of vicious rumors like… J.D. Vance had sex with a couch.”
According to Vox, there is no story of Vance having sex with a couch in the cited memoir. And while Colbert seemed to be aware of this fact, it didn’t stop him from having some fun with the ludicrous story.
“It’s simply not true, which is why we have to refuse to use the hashtag #CushionPushinJDVance,” Colbert joked. “And that’s why I certainly won’t ever perform the juvenile chant: ‘J.D. Vance is sittin’ on a couch, his peepee hit the zipper and ouch.’”
The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, Weeknights, 11:35/10:35 c, CBS
